So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize