I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
