So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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