you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Say something about gay babies.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
