i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize