Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
