at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
