and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
