One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
