we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
