i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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