What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
