You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Are we still banned from the library?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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