She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
