just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
