Please, let me fuck your mom
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
