New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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