Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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