im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
