he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
