turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
