I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
