Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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