She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
