imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
