i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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