you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize