Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
