I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
