i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
