i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize