Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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