In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
