I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
