he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
