Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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