The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
