So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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