Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
