"it" just moved
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My liver just had a heart attack.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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