we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
