don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize