your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
