I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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