I heard we made out
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
