I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
