I think my fart just growled at me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
