hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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