Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
