having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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