my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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