I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
