It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
