haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
