Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
