We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
