Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
