I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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