this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
