what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Congratulations! We have a period
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
