Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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