Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
