a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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