I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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