The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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