I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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