she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Someone signed my nipple.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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