so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
