if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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