your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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