He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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