he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
