remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
