there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
