I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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