How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
