alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
