Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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