I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
