Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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