I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize