Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
