I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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