Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
