We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
