i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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