I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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