I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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