she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
