How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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