I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
