is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
