So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
