We won't sleep together?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
