he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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