Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
