She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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